Purrrr-fect Me

It has been awhile

2007-06-26T21:25:00.000-04:00

The blogger people would not let me into my blog because I did not have a gmail account. This is most disturbing. For now, I shall use Chief of Staff's email. She will allow this because I am the Queen of the Universe. All must obey me!

My Big sister

2006-08-24T11:36:00.000-04:00

Squeak, or Bittie, as the young human calls her is my big sister. So to speak. I am, in fact, bigger than her though it was not always so. (And, before you snicker, I am not fat. I will claw you a new entrance to your intestines if you say I am.)

Squeak and the young human moved out last year. I miss them. Especially Squeak who would chase me up and down the stairs until I took my turn at chasing. Great fun, that was! And the young human would practice fisticuffs with me, praising my strength and agility. Rightfully so.

They are looking for a new home. I had hopes they might return here but, alas, they are not. Squeak says there is only room for one Queen in a household. She is right. Here, I am that Queen.

Perhaps, if they move closer, they will come to visit? Then we can chase and run and hiss and claw. It would be great fun!

Chief of Staff's Book is Available

2006-08-04T00:28:00.000-04:00

Wookie is allowing me to promote my new release on her blog. Um, right. Actually, she's taking a nap (big surprise, huh?) and I've snuck on here without her knowledge.

Anyway, my book Heartstone is now available from Triskelion Publishing. You can click on the blog title to go to the order page and preview the first chapter.

Uh oh. I hear the patter of tiny feet. Better run while the running's good {g}

Busy, busy

2006-07-23T10:57:00.000-04:00

I have not reported to you, dear readers, for some time. Why?

Because my Chief of Staff has been busy redecorating my room. (This is the room she refers to as her office. It is not worth my while to dissuade her and I am happy to let her use the room as long as I have my bed, my sunbeam and my food.)

Chief of Staff has changed the room considerably though I feel she is not yet done. The walls are a different color--from teal to lilac. She has put new blinds up (these I do not like since they block a good portion of my sunbeam! But they do have intriguing strings hanging from the side, chirrup!) She has also put odd, lacy curtains up. I am not so fond of these either since Chief of Staff yells if I try to push them out of my way. Not that I pay her any mind. I mean, really, who is the Cat? Me!

Now there is also a new table. She has it set to the side of the room and is clearing my toy box/bed from in front of the window. I do not like this either as it will make laying in my sunbeam more difficult.

Alas, a Cat's life is never easy.

Sunbeams

2006-05-22T10:21:00.000-04:00

It has rained for DAYS! I do no like wet. I do not like Rain.

I see a sunbeam in my room. I shall lay down in it and take a nap. It is good to be a cat.

Purrrrrr!

Chirrup!

2006-04-07T11:18:00.000-04:00

It is that time of year when the sky explodes with light and sound and water beats on the windows and doors. I do not like this. Why? You may ask. Why do you not like this when you are warm and dry and safe inside your home?

This is true. Now. But I was born in the woods behind very tall buildings. Many cars roamed the area and smaller but much louder machines cut great swathes of the green grass growing near our den. My mother, what I can remember of her, tried to protect my sibs and I from the dangerous thing by moving us from our nest near the wood's edge to one deeper in the trees. To do this, however, she had to pass through the cut grass and the hard cement where the cars roamed and people scurried like mice through a field.

My sibs and I could barely see. Our eyes were not quite open yet. We could not walk but did a sort of belly crawl. We were young. Babies still. My mother took my eldest sib first, curving rapidly through the dangerous land until she got to the new nest she had prepared for us. She came back for me but...

A dark car pulled up. A very tall human got out. He spoke to my mother, made threats against her and her babies. Then the great grass eating machine roared again. I think it was near her new nest. My mother was confused, frightened. When the tall human got to close, she had to run. She couldn't carry me. I fell onto the grass, calling out in piteous cries to let her know that I would stay where she left me.

The tall human had other plans. He snatched me up, nearly crushing the air from my body. I heard my mother cry out from where she perched on the edge of the woods. I heard my eldest sibling's cry of fear.

That was the last I ever heard or saw of them.

So now, though my home is safe and warm and dry, when I hear the loud crash of the sky and the bright lights shine into my room, I tremble with fear. And remember my lost family.

Mmrph!

2006-03-22T11:42:00.000-05:00

Chief of Staff announced that this was National Goof Off Day then, looking directly at me, said, "You won't have a problem with that, will you, shortcake?"

I turned my back and sashayed into the kitchen.

Goof off, indeed! I have many, many things I must do. First, I must nap behind the sofa. Then I must check the attic and, if it is secure, take a nap there too. After that, I must go downstairs and receive my due homage from the Tall Staff and from Zuzu. When I've had enough, I will go under the rocking chair and rest for awhile. Generally, Chief of Staff will come home just about the same time that I must check the kitchen. As she starts dinner, I dance around her and Zuzu to remind her that she must pay attention to ME!

Then I go behind the sofa for another nap. It is a very hard, difficult life I lead but someone must do it.

Goof off indeed!

Cat grass

2006-03-14T13:55:00.000-05:00

Chief of Staff gave me some very interesting green stuff...she calls it cat grass. It has a rich, GREEN odor and is very tasty. She thinks by giving me the cat grass I will not eat her plants.

Poor silly Chief of Staff!

Be Nasty Day

2006-03-08T10:24:00.000-05:00

Chief of Staff snickered over her cereal and juice this morning when she was working on her computer then looked directly at me (she's very cat-like at times) to say "This is Be Nasty Day...right up your alley, huh?"

My tail went straight up as sign of my indignation. I gave her a scolding chirrup then went to lay in my bed.

I will be nasty if I want. Perhaps I will be nasty when she returns home this evening. I will think on this to devise the best plan.

Excerpts from 'A Cat's Guide To Human Beings'

2006-03-07T08:46:00.000-05:00

All you young kittens should heed these words of wisdom.

1. Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans? So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence. What's so great about humans anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple: THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS. Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off cat food cans, changing television stations, and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans, and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.

2. How and When to Get Your Human's Attention. Humans often erroneously assume that there are other, more important activities than taking care of your immediate needs, such as conducting business, spending time with their families, or even sleeping. Though this is dreadfully inconvenient, you can make this work to your advantage by pestering your human at the moment it is the busiest. It is usually so flustered that it will do whatever you want it to do, just to get you out of its hair. Not coincidentally, human teenagers follow this same practice. Here are some tried and true methods of getting your human to do what you want:

Sitting on paper: An oldie but a goodie. If a human has paper in front of it, chances are good it assumes the paper is more important than you. It will often offer you a snackto lure you away. Establish your supremacy over this woodpulp product at every opportunity. This practice also works well with computer keyboards, remote controls, car keys, and small children.

Waking your human at odd hours: A cat's "golden time" is between 3:30 and 4:30 in the morning. If you paw at your human's sleeping face during this time, you have a better than even chance that it will get up and, in an incoherent haze, do exactly what you want. You may actually have to scratch deep sleepers to get their attention; remember to vary the scratch site to keep the human from getting suspicious.

3. Punishing Your Human Being. Sometimes, despite your best training efforts, your human will stubbornly resist bending to your whim. In these extreme circumstances, you may have to punish your human. Obvious punishments, such as scratching furniture or eating household plants, are likely to backfire; the unsophisticated humans are likely to misinterpret the activities and then try to discipline YOU. Instead, we offer these subtle but nonetheless effective alternatives:

* Use the cat box during an important formal dinner.
* Stare impassively at your human while it is attempting a romantic interlude.
* Stand over an important piece of electronic equipment andfeign a hairball attack.
* After your human has watched a particularly disturbinghorror film, stand by the hall closet and then slowly backaway, hissing and yowling.
* While your human is sleeping, lie on its face.

4. Rewarding Your Human: Should Your Gift Still Be Alive? The cat world is divided over the etiquette of presenting humans with the thoughtful gift of a recently disembowelled animal. Some believe that humans prefer these gifts already dead, while others maintain that humans enjoy a slowly expiring cricket or rodent just as much as we do, given their jumpy and playful movements in picking the creatures up after they've been presented. After much consideration of the human psyche, we recommend the following: cold-blooded animals (large insects, frogs,lizards, garden snakes, and the occasional earthworm) should be presented dead, while warm-blooded animals (birds,rodents, your neighbour's Pomeranian) are better still living. When you see the expression on your human's face, you'll know it's worth it.

5. How Long Should You Keep Your Human? You are obligated to your human for only one of your lives. The other eight are up to you. We recommend mixing and matching, though in the end, most humans (at least the ones that are worth living with) are pretty much the same. But what do you expect? They're humans, after all. Opposable thumbs will take you only so far.

Multiple Personalities

2006-03-06T09:36:00.000-05:00

Chief of Staff claims I have multiple personalities. Why? Because I will allow the tall staff to pet me but when I've had enough, I bite him. (He shrieks like a kitten when I do this LOL) I do the same to Chief of Staff but she merely looks at me and turns away.

Of course, that makes me want to be petted more so I jump onto her lap only to find that she's gone on 'strike'. She pushes me away! Me! The most purr-fect cat! If it wouldn't mean training another to take her place, I'd fire her!

Grrrr!

But...she does know precisely how I like to have my ears strokes and the way she rubs my cheeks is divine.

Sigh.

I suppose I must keep her after all.

Today is Old Stuff Day

2006-03-02T13:51:00.000-05:00

My Chief of Staff is an odd person. I'm sure I've said this before. Last year, she found this site on the Internet called www.Flylady.net I can not quite picture a woman who looks like a fly, nasty annoying buzzing things--if they would just stay still and let me catch them! Anyway, this Flylady person is always exhorting Chief of Staff to dust and clean and put away things. My things.

I do not like this! I prefer my mice and catnip toys in certain locations. That's why I put them there but no, Chief of Staff comes along and moves them to other, less desirable places. Like the toy box in my office. Do I look like a toy box kind of cat? Hardly!

But while Chief of Staff was working on her computer yesterday, she came across this list of odd holidays. Today is Old Stuff Day.

This, to me, sounds like a wondrous device to stop her from tossing out my older toys or blankets I like to sleep on. Old Stuff is good stuff. It's treasured stuff. It fills the nooks and crannies of my home. I like it there.

But according to Chief of Staff, this Flylady person says we must 'Fling' the old stuff.

I do not like Flylady.

Meow!

Harumph

2006-02-05T10:57:00.000-05:00

Chief of Staff is ignoring me. She is moving furniture, people are coming and going. Too much activity!! Not enough petting and stroking of my lovely self!

The one good thing with all this furniture moving is the sofa is now in front of the big window. I have a comfy place to lie and watch the birds and squirrels play. I can bask in the sun--when it shines (a rare occurence the last few months!) and there is ample space behind the sofa for me to set up ambushes for unwary humans or ZuZu >:->

Life is good but I am determined to get my attention from Chief of Staff. It is time. I must go and stare at her, perhaps make a few purrs. She likes to hear me purr. I will reward her with louder purring if she pets me.

Chief of Staff is odd person

2005-10-24T09:31:00.000-04:00

Chief of Staff was eating dinner while watching the picture box in the main room. It smelled very interesting so I hopped onto the rocker to see if I could see what it was. My canine, Zuzu, sat in front of Chief, drooling and hoping Chief would give her some of the food.

That isn't to be borne. Not in my house. So I began the trek across the narrow table separating me from Chief of Staff.

While she wasn't looking at me, exactly, she paused long enough to say, "No feet on the table."

I backed up. Chief doesn't often get angry--why should she when I am so perfect?--but she does not abide feet on the tables. I am not sure why this is so but it is a small thing to do so she will be happy. I backed up.

Chief must have realized, then, that her dinner was something that might interest me. It smelled of salmon and odd, intriguing spices. So she took a very small piece and put it on the table.

The table which I am not supposed to touch.

Sigh.

Normally, Chief of Staff is a calm, intelligent person who adores me--because I am perfect--but this struck me as odd. I looked at the bite of salmon. I looked at her. I looked at the bite of salmon again. It was too far to reach...unless I stepped on the table which she had just told me not to do.

She watched me from the corner of her eye obviously waiting to see how I would solve this dilemna.

I am not some common, unintelligent being. I simple stretched out my leg, spread the toes on my foot-hand, and knocked the salmon to the floor.

I did not touch the table.

The salmon tasted very good.

Humans Are Odd Creatures

2005-09-30T07:40:00.000-04:00

My Chief of Staff did something very strange.

While I was on her lap for my regular groom and worship, she suddenly put both hands on my back and made scratching motions as she cackled 'Kitty, Kitty, Kitty.'

I leaped into the air and landed, with my usual grace, on the arm of the chair aghast at this failure to respect my dignity (and WHO is this Kitty-Kitty-Kitty creature???) Chief of Staff reached around and dug her fingers into my back again! All again called that Kitty thing.

This odd aberration in behavior from an otherwise normal human was not to be endured. I leapt down, twitched my lovely, plush fur into place and took a nap in the window.

Good breakfast

2005-09-26T09:15:00.000-04:00

Chief of Staff had to go to work early today so she had her breakfast in the livingroom watching the picture box (an interesting past time which I also indulge in occasionally). When she finished her cereal, she held the bowl up and offered the leftover milk to me. I perched, graceful as only a cat can be, on the back of the sofa and on her shoulder and lapped it up.

It was good. Life is good.

I will take a nap now.

Locked in a room

2005-09-21T09:52:00.000-04:00

I was in process of killing a mouse this morning--one of my little catnip filled mice that Chief of Staff gives me--the battle raged upstairs and down and back again. I ran from room to room chasing the mouse, catching it and tossing it high into the air. It flew behind the bathroom door, seeking a place of safety.

With me on the premises, there is no safety for these dangerous mice.

I chased behind the door, grabbed the mouse and fought it hard. The door closed, leaving me trapped in the bathroom.

I did not appreciate this. When I was much younger, I was forced to stay for many hours in this small room and though it is well decorated, there is not enough space to stretch my powerful muscles or fighting skills.

So, mouse forgotten, I called to she who is Chief of Staff. But she was asleep. This annoyed me.

Finally, she came to my rescue and opened the door. I scolded her mightily but she, never showing the proper respect, simply said, "Locked yourself in, did you? Be more careful in the future."

I think I will hack up a hairball on her computer chair.

Something Interesting

2005-08-18T09:34:00.000-04:00

This morning, as I sat in my big window, I saw a 'thing' on the glass. It had not asked my permission. I swatted it and it fell to the floor in its attempts to escape my wrath. I, of course, followed. But it hid amongst the ugly, stinky wire thing that goes behind the picture box. That did not stop me. I swatted and batted until my Chief of Staff came to investigate.

She looked but did not see the thing. Poor blind Chief of Staff. She is a good person but, as all humans, woefully ignorant of things around her. When she walked away, I proceeded to exact my revenge on the thing. Swatting. Batting. Tossing the wire thing out of the way.

Then, suddenly, there was a loud banging from the swirly ceiling room. Zuzu began barking. It is my duty, my duty I say, to protect the precious items in the dark room all the way at the top of the house so I ran speedily to my post.

I hear the Chief of Staff snicker before she left the house.

I wonder why.

She is Back!

2005-08-03T13:45:00.000-04:00

My favorite Chief of Staff has returned! Once again, I will be petted and groomed and adored properly. The Tall Staff managed to pet me occasionally but he is not practiced enough to do it properly. He did give me my dinner...but he did not preface it with 'Does Wookie want num-nums?' which my Chief of Staff always says. Somehow that does make my dinner taste better.

Going now. It is nap time. Greeting Chief of Staff has been exhausting.

My favorite position!

2005-07-23T16:02:00.000-04:00

This is most commforrttabblleee!

The tall staff sees me asleep like this and chortles 'Road Kill'. He has no respect. I must teach him better.

Perhaps I will trip him when I race him up the stairs. Then we will see who is 'Road Kill'. Mmmph!

Squeak

2005-07-23T16:01:00.000-04:00

This is Squeak. We also call her Bittie.

My staff calls her Squeak. This is because she is so quiet, not like me. When she speaks, she makes small, dainty noises. I, on the other paw, speak clearly and distinctly. No one can say they did not hear me.

Zuzu...My walking pillow

2005-07-23T15:59:00.000-04:00

Zuzu is BIG!

Zuzu would be a very good pillow but everytime I get comfortable on her, she walks away. I must train her better but it is hard. She is only a dog.

Something strange is happening

2005-07-23T15:48:00.000-04:00

My female staff is doing something. She has a large black container on wheels and is moving around, sorting clothes and putting them inside the container.

This is wrong.

She should be petting me!

Since I have no idea what she is doing, I will take a nap. When I awake, I will give her a chance to redeem herself.

Harry Potter

2005-07-18T15:26:00.000-04:00

There is a new book out. Much fuss is being made over this. I do not like it.

It is a large book and my staff must hold it with both hands. It takes up room in their lap.

I cannot lay or purr or be stroked or petted when they are reading this book.

I do not like it.

The staff, however, seem to enjoy it very much.

Stupid humans.

Squeak aka Bittie

2005-07-13T11:30:00.000-04:00

When I was a kitten, I had a playmate called Squeak. Or Bittie. I believe it depended on who was speaking to her. Myself, I called her Bad-Temper-Yanks-Whiskers-Out.

My whiskers.

It was embarrassing.

When I grew up, and became larger than her, the whisker yanking stopped. What fun it was chasing her up and down the stairs! Or being chased!

She moved out when the young female staff left the house. I hear that she now has a balcony where she can contemplate the deaths of birds and plants where she can kill fishflies.

Cats have wonderful lives!

I must go now. All this remembering has tired me. I need a nap.

Zuzu

2005-07-11T23:47:00.000-04:00

Today was a good day. I slept in the sun coming through the window. I chirped at the birds outside--dumb birds did not come closer so I could play with them. I napped again then I played with my bbbiiiggg sister, Zuzu.

Zuzu is odd. She does not purr and she has only a very small tail that flickers back and forth with a non-feline frenetic energy. The human staff has provided her with a large wire cage to sleep in but she prefers sleeping in the middle of a traffic pattern. She is a scaredy-cat. I am sure if you looked in the dictionary for scaredy-cat you would see her picture. I can not swear to this because I do not bother with books. You can not eat them and they are not comfortable to sleep on.

I go now. I see a wall that has offended me. It must be punished.

2005-07-10T12:34:00.000-04:00

Am I not Beautiful?

Purrrr-fect Me

2005-07-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

My human calls me Wookie-wookie-baby.

You may refer to me as Your Majesty.

I am a cat.A very special cat.

Why? You ask. The answer is simple. I share my home with a writer. She's a very good writer but her real talent is petting me, making me com-forrr-table. I allow her to rub my head and scratch my chin. Mmm, I want to purr just thinking about that. Sigh.

Oh, yes. Why am I special. Beyond being the Queen of my Domain. I am her muse. I allow her to use the wonderful facets of my purr-fect personality in certain characters in her books--when she isn't occupied with her primary duties. Me!

I must go now. There is a feather on the floor. It has offended me. It must die!